so supernatural:

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 17:47:50 GMT

Happy birfday Dave. Not just Dave. THE Dave.

ugh.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 03:41:15 GMT

if i don't start feeling better, i'm gonna stab myself in the eye with one of my dog's toenails.

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 20:51:30 GMT

Yay. I'm home. We're home. From the hospital. Auston was admitted late Wednesday night for fever/neutropenia.

He's fine now. White counts are on the rise, but he has to get the G-CSF shots again. Anyway. It looks like a lot has been going on, from what I've just read. And because I'm so busy right now, I'm going to say that I love you ALL and I hope that those of you that are just..having hell right now, lord, I'm sorry. I hope things get better for you.

Happy New Year.

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 10:57:32 GMT

IF SOMEBODY SEES MY SLEEP, TELL IT TO COME HOME PLEASE.

TU.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M TYPING IN CAPS LOCK. MAYBE COS THAT'S HOW MY EYES FEEL. BIG AND CAPS LOCKED.

Sigh.

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 18:07:43 GMT

I've been down lately. I think it's a mix of what has gone on with Auston being sick and well, I've gone back to work here and there, on days where I'm sure there won't be any hospital visits.

Hopefully, this funk won't last long.

blah.

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 06:01:29 GMT

I've felt like hell all day.

Home.

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 03:22:03 GMT

I'm now at home, and gave Auston his first round of at-home Chemotherapy. It went well!!

More later.

So..

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 12:05:46 GMT

What could be better than a show involving GHOSTS and GARY BUSEY?
Nate and I were cracking up last night. The best, by far:

Nate: "There's a very strange silence that I'm living in now. It's a silence with a lot of activity and noise in it."
Me: .............................

It's not as if I'm not going through enough..

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 02:08:55 GMT

..but I'm not even going to go into the details of it. Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe not. Maybe I've made it easier by cutting down on my buddylist to just four people. Of course, this has nothing to do with Nate and Heathyr, since they're not on AOL anymore. Oh, how I miss you guys.

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 13:34:48 GMT

First thing: My sleep cycle has sucked ass for the last two weeks. Or rather, my lack of sleep has sucked ass!

Now that's off my chest..

This is basically just an update on Auston. He's been doing really good! We have another round of chemo coming up on Friday--three or four days, I think. Then, when we come home, he'll keep the needle and part of the IV line in his chest because he has to have six days of chemo.. at home. It'll be an IV push, obviously, and small doses of AraC. After six days, I take the needle out and we're done for this round.

As far as I know, we'll have one more round where we have to stay in the hospital. Then, it'll be clinical visits here and there that will be a one day deal--or however long it will take for him to receive chemo/blood/whatever he needs.

He's at school right now, but I have to check him out around noon.. along with his cousin because we're going shopping for her! Well, a homecoming dress, since she got court. We went all over Decatur yesterday and found.. nothing. Her skin is so dark that we've decided to stay away from dark colors. So, today, it's a trip to Huntsville. I'm bringing Auston along because, well, I doubt I'll be there to pick him up after school, for one, and considering we'll be in the hospital for three to four days I thought it'd be nice to get him out for a while before we head to Birmingham tomorrow.

But, as always, I'll keep you guys updated! Or, well, the ones that's been curious to know and have been worried.

By the way, thank you guys, especially Nate and Heathyr for all of the talks, the concern, and the well wishes. Especially in the beginning of all of this when I was freaking out, terrified. It was nice to have someone listen, you know? Oh, crap, and another person, too. I don't even know her name and not even sure if she reads this--but she's been there for me lots, too. Not only dealing with the experiences of Auston, but she's listened to me during times when I've been sick, or freaking out because of .. Panic attacks? Still not sure what those were, but thanks to the player behind Artifical Agony. :)

To the point!

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 04:37:03 GMT

Got home from the hospital today--from a stay that involved chemo.

Good news: The mass does look like it's scar tissue, but just in case there's something somewhere that hasn't been biopsied, they continued with treatment that was pretty strong this week.

In three weeks, it won't be so bad.

Still considering bone marrow transplant, but not so sure--he's had blood drawn to look at his bone marrow make up.

Looking at around three more rounds that will come with a hospital stay. There will be chemo done at home, too. Mostly, I think, Ara-C.

Past few days, he's been pretty nauseated--probably from the Cytoxan. I dunno, his spinal shot was a little different this time, too. I think AraC was in there, along with some other stuff.

Wow. I'm zonked. Bed time.

Change of plans.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 03:25:37 GMT

I got a call from the hospital today. Instead of Auston having the biopsy on Tuesday, it's going to be done Thursday. They decided to have the surgeon that put in his port, along with doing the first biopsy, to do it instead. It makes sense---he's more aware of Auston and his condition than the surgeon that was going to do it.

just an update, for those following along.

Up to date.

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 01:31:11 GMT

For a while we were doing good. Really good. Today's news wasn't the greatest, but still, we're not exactly sure what's going on.

There is still something there. The mediastinal mass hasn't gone down much from the last CT. Aka/after the high doses of prednisone, cytoxan, vincristine, methotrexate (with leucovorin rescue). Not much since the doxorubicin, cytarabine (AraC), and the intrathecal therapies. Of course, during all of this, let's not forget about the G-CSF shots nightly right after chemo (to boost white counts).

This is strange, considering after they changed him to the heavier doses, at first there was a great response. Now, it's like--it's like it's slowing down.

BUT! This isn't to say that the mass isn't just scar tissue. We will find out for sure Tuesday when we go in for a biopsy. This, I'm nervous for, because the mass is in his chest area. The surgeon will call us Monday to go over the details.

The doctor, though, is leaning more on the mass being active.. as in.. there's still cancer. Oh, along with the biopsy, there will be another bone marrow aspirate and a spinal tap to make sure the cancer's not hiding out in his spinal column or in his bone marrow.

Options. IF there is remaining cancer in the mass, the doctor mentioned giving him shots to boost the growth of stem cells--then, those cells will be harvested. Then, more chemo--but a really, really strong doses and after that, the stem cells will be placed back into his body.

Auston's doctor is calling Mitchell Cairo next week. For those not familiar with the name: Dr. Cairo is an expert in stem cell biology, molecular oncology, and experimental immunology. Also, he is the lead researcher and chairman of a lot of stem cell transplantation studies. Easy to find online, as far as information goes, but anyway--I'm excited that the Hem/Onc team is going to seek advice from him before moving on. This will be the third time that someone from the team has contacted him about Auston's case. But, from what I understand, he specializes in Lymphomas and a lot of research has been performed on that particular cancer.

Anyway, that's about all I know right now. I'll add more when I find out more.

JESUS PERKINS

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 18:37:25 GMT

My eyes or my body's playing tricks on me. For the last couple of months, I've been all, "Oh, hey, I think I'm losing weight!" ..And then last night I went to try my favorite pair of pants on from last year--and they're god awful tight. So, no, Heather you dufus, you're going in the wrong freaking direction.

Gotta shed some pounds before next August, that's for sure! And, I've been thinking about dying my hair auburn again. Hm. I do need to get new pics of me, and Auston, too. It's weird, his hair was dark brown before he went into chemo/before he lost it all. Now, it's trying to come back and it's.. almost white? It's so odd!

Speaking of--got another hospital visit tomorrow for a full CT scan. Hopefully, we'll hear some good news. Chemo will probably be scheduled for next week.

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 04:19:37 GMT

There's a lot of things that I miss in the RP world. It's not the same anymore. I miss old story lines that I had going, and wish that there was some way to get them going again.

I miss a lot of certain characters--old players and old story lines that took place outside of the MT.

Slowly, I've been trying to wean myself off of my totally favorite character. I don't want to get rid of her, but well, I guess I'm just frustrated to no end.

Maybe it's time to take a break, again, or delete all of my characters and make new ones--go back to places that I haven't been in a while. I don't get much time anymore, as is, but I hate spending time online, struggling to find decent gaming and ending up with nothing.

This.Sucks.

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 20:42:14 GMT

I have a stomach virus.
And I feel like CRAP.

Hey, I remembered my password!

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 23:07:11 GMT

I've decided to buckle down and give more of my time (not that I have much) to this journal. There's no use in having it sitting around, collecting dust, right?

So much has gone on over the past year. And, it has been longer than a year since I've posted in this thing. For starters, my summer has sucked. It's been bad, horrible, depressing, and flat out frightening. We've spent most of it in the hospital -- since June 5th, that is. A week home here and there, just enough time to get us all comfortable before we have to go back.

The good news is that Auston is doing quite well. A couple of more treatments are planned, but beyond that, it's a little shady--except for the once a month chemo sessions that we're aware of. That should start up after this maintenance phase is complete.

Next year, though. Ah-hah. We, my friends, are going on a seven day cruise: A gift to us, you could say. I can't wait. And I certainly know Auston can't either. Go Carnival Glory!

Since others are doing it. Why not..

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:40:04 GMT

On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing), and write down your favourite line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line. Then, have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.

1. "The more that you sleep, the less that you dream .. about me."

2. "I'll be the one who's flyin' by ya, kickin' shit in your face."

3. "Down, I'm so down, if you kiss the dirt, then you'd see my reflection."

4. "One step forward, made from the backside."

5. "After all the dreaming I come home, again."

6. "Just listen to me, pretty little kitty in the sky. The bass of my laughter and my gut is my speaker--ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.. And sweet is my surprise."

7. "Someone carving their devotion in the heart shaped pool of fame."

8. "Tried to go the way you told me, but each time I got lost."

9. "Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new."

10. "There was a big parade, everybody got laid and they burned all the books and the Chevrolets."

11. "I ain't gonna act politically correct, I only wanna have a good time."

12. "What would it take for me to be comfortable with you, with me, you're the chosen one"

13. "I feel so funny deep inside, I wanna kiss myself goodbye."

14. "Take a breath and hold on tight, spin around one more time."

15. "And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you. Each one a line or two, "I'm fine baby, how are you?"

16. "Bonedigger, bonedigger, dogs in the moonlight."

17. "Why do I find it hard to write the next line? Oh, I want the truth to be said."

18. "She is like a cat in the dark, and then she is the darkness."

19. "I took your night, you took my star--one I wished on last year."

20. "She's pure as New York snow."

stress!

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 00:50:01 GMT

I really, really, really didn't want to go back into the full time position/assistant manager thing at work. I start, again, next week. God, I'm already stressed out.

Oh, I have a stalker at work, too!! Again. He asked me for my phone number, right? I told him I was married, right? He says to me, he says, "That's alright, I'm married, too." Then went on to ask me out a million times.

Greg, a mean looking black man who is also an assistant manager (that I totally adore because he swears he is going to take me to see Dave Matthews one of these days and he loves Angie Aparo; rock right?) says he's going to threaten to whoop his ass for 'messing wit' his wife' if he sees the guy in the store bugging me, again.

I've been saying this for the past three years, I know, but I think it's time for a career change.

Onto other news: Family is coming next weekend. I am so not prepared.

bwahahaha.

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 23:24:38 GMT

Teleport Yourself to the Eighties! by itslyd
First Name:
Age:
Your favorite TV show:	Alf
Your favorite movie:	Breakfast Club
Your hair looks like:
You spend your time:	Dirty dancing.
You want to be just like:
Who you are really like:

Quiz created with MemeGen!

HUFFY SUNCATCHER FORLSKAROEIR

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 17:11:40 GMT

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn

What is yo name?

Yo gangsta name be

Los Pantalones

You ride around in a

Huffy Sun Catcher (Ride that bicycle, fool)

Yo gang

The Mafia

Yo shoes be

Spikey Goth boots

Yo dubs be dis big, fool

3,328

How much money you got?

$1.46871282075581e+26

How gangsta are you, bitch?: 26%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

supastaaaaaaaaah

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 16:42:25 GMT

What's your SNL Funny Lady double life? by mistypeppers
NAME
FAVORITE CURRENT CAST MEMBER
Your identity:	Tina Fey
Your years on the show:	8
Your most popular character:	Emily Litella
Your catchphrase:	Prince shoooww...
Your favorite costume:
Your SNL lover:	Horatio Sans

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Huh.

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:48:52 GMT

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	Latin

Quiz created with MemeGen!

It's rather plain

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:34:31 GMT

But, I think I will keep my journal this way. I've just been so terribly lazy in trying to do anything else to it.

It's hot/sticky/humid outside and I wish it would rain.

I also wish my cockatoo would stop screaming.

And while I'm on the wishing train, I wish I could drop about twenty pounds.

And while I'm random: the horses just ran into each other. Which was funny.

Tired.

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 03:30:19 GMT

Still working with this journal layout, though I think for the moment, I'm content with the colors.

Plus, I'm too lazy to mess with it anymore.

Work nearly killed me, but that's okay! Really, I was off five days, so I think that just spoiled the hell out of me more than anything. I really didn't want to go back. Hah.